Not Fun Dad Task Of The Day: Administering Eye Drops To Your Kids

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Have you ever had to give your kids eye drops? If you have not…good for you, you are blessed. If you have, I hope it was a lot less painful than it was for me at first.

As you may know, both of the kids needed eye drops to rid them of the Pink Eye, A/K/A Pinky the Spreader. It’s a mix of antibiotic and typical eye drops (to reduce the itchiness and redness) and it seems to work pretty well. I had to give them one drop per eye, twice a day, for ten days. I am all about taking the medicine for a bit more than need be to make sure it’s really dead, especially something as contagious as this little bas*ard. This was not a problem.

The kids have Pink Eye, but it is not exactly a severe case, thank goodness. But, they are also not really pleased with the puss and the itchiness they are in the midst of experiencing. You would think they want to rid themselves of such a nuisance, no? I would, too.

I’m getting ready to administer the drops after picking them up from the pharmacy. I have do doubt that this is going to be easy, nice and fast, no problems.

I was wrong. I was very wrong. I was so very, very wrong.

All freaking hell breaks loose. I mean, you have to be kidding me. These kids acted as if I was trying to remove their eye from its socket and not just place a drop of clear liquid in them…to make them feel better. It was insane, it was intense, it was frustrating as all get out.  It was so ridiculous that for the first couple of days, Vera and I had to double team them. I held, she dropped. I could have sworn I was in one of those “punked” type videos…could this be happening, for real?

If you’ve never done it, you don’t know how frustrating it is to have to hold them down, open their eye, drop in the medicine, close the eye but not too soon, and make them sit there for a minute in a fit of hysteria and rage with their eyes closed for a minute. I hope you never have to experience it, or that your kids are old enough or sane enough not to make this a sh*tshow.  You feel like your were the bad guy sometimes. You feel like you were gong to poke their eye out. You also wanted to kill them, slowly, for being such illogical crazies.

Why has science not created an implement to assist with such obligations? Where are they? Do they not have kids with Pink Eye? This is vital to the advancement of our species.

There came a breaking point. This could not continue two times per day for the remainder of the treatment. I screamed. A lot. I screamed enough to make them realize that this was no longer acceptable and it was going to cease, right this instant. They are going to sit/stand there, tilt their head back, open their eyes, and let the drops flow. That is all that will be acceptable. And it worked. From that point on, it was a piece of cake. No more hysterics, no more anxiety, no more thrashing or kicking or screaming (from them or us). It was so easy, almost meditative.

It was remarkable. It went away. And so did the drops and Pinky the Spreader. Happy days were here again. They could see clearly now, the pink was gone (sorry, had to).

But those first four or five days…man…

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