I Can See Clearly Now

assortment of smiley face expressions including very happy, smug, happy, mild surprise, shock, neutral, so so, chagrin, sad, dead, skull with teeth

While I am getting to be 40, I have certainly seen some physical changes. I feel fine and I don’t feel tired or achy or any of that stereotypical stuff. I do like the heat more and cold less and can’t quite spin around in circles with the kids quite as many times as I used to without getting dizzy (dizzy, never).

One change that I just recently decided to make was to relax a bit more, get a lot less stressed and agitated, and overall just be more of the super cool awesome guy that I know I can be. With years of marriage, 3 kids, a mortgage, a business, and all the other factors that going into freaking out, I’ve become too much of a curmudgeon over the years. I would get annoyed at anything way too easily. I’d just be grumpy all the time it seemed for no really good reason. It just was not who or what I really wanted to be.

It all came to a boiling point recently and I decided to do some soul-searching. After about 6 intense hours of trying to figure it all out and get myself in check, I think I did it. I had some revelations that day (no, I’m not kidding) and decided that a lot of the things that would set me off just wasn’t going to do it any more. All by myself I laughed and cried and got angry. I literally hashed it out all alone because that it what I needed to do.

At the end of the night, around midnight on a Friday, I came home and knew that things would be different. I was not going to let things get to me that had no business getting to me. I would talk it out more and laugh things off. I would really remember that life is short and that whatever it is that’s getting me annoyed really isn’t all the important in the grand scheme of things. I would “let it go” as holding on to things just made a person bitter, not better. I would take a deep breath and start to sing if I felt myself getting annoyed. I would stop reading the news, I would not worry if someone cut me off, I would not get nuts if someone left their cloths on the floor or dishes in the sink. I would not let myself not be happy.

This was for me, for my marriage, for my kids, and for my friends. This was the start of a new day and I really meant it. It was back to church every week. As a side, the first mass back literally featured a reading and sermon about not getting annoyed at the little things in life and looking at the big picture. I kid you not. I will go to the gym, take up yoga, and eat better. I will put down the laptop and phone and play with my kids more. I will sing more and be silly more. I will get my wife flowers more and just do what needed to be done more. I will allow myself the time to enjoy the moment more. This is my pledge to myself and my family and I’m going to follow it if it’s the last thing I do.

I know I might sound a little crazy, a little manic, but I’m not. I haven’t seen this clearly in a long time. The time has come to set things straight and I don’t go back on my word.

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